rayoto
Nice and Cool
A little late to respond but....I think I know that guy...
Clean Jokes: Only
- Thread starter rayoto
- Start date
A little late to respond but....I think I know that guy...
rabbi
The Whaler Loves Detail City
Thirteen
A young man was strolling down a street. As he passed a large building with a fence around it, he heard a group of people chanting "Thirteen, thirteen, thirteen" over and over again.
Curious, he tried to see over the fence, but couldn't. Then he spotted a hole in the wood.
He put his eye to the hole. He just managed to spy some old people sitting in deckchairs chanting, before a finger came out of nowhere and poked him in the eye. As he staggered back, the old people started chanting, "Fourteen, fourteen, fourteen..."
assout:
A young man was strolling down a street. As he passed a large building with a fence around it, he heard a group of people chanting "Thirteen, thirteen, thirteen" over and over again.
Curious, he tried to see over the fence, but couldn't. Then he spotted a hole in the wood.
He put his eye to the hole. He just managed to spy some old people sitting in deckchairs chanting, before a finger came out of nowhere and poked him in the eye. As he staggered back, the old people started chanting, "Fourteen, fourteen, fourteen..."
assout:
Reddwarf
New member
Where were these teachers when I was going to school? Er uh nevermind I went to catholic schools we had priests hitting on us.:lmfao
You went to Catholic schools and your username is Rabbi? I'm so confused. :hmmm:
Reddwarf
New member
A lady is in the hospital to have a baby. She is lying on the bed yelling "Can't, shouldn't, wouldn't, couldn't, can't…".
The nurse frantically asks the Doctor "What's wrong with her?!" The Doctor replies, "oh, she's just having contractions."
The nurse frantically asks the Doctor "What's wrong with her?!" The Doctor replies, "oh, she's just having contractions."
rabbi
The Whaler Loves Detail City
How does Michael Jackson know its time for bed? When the big hand is on the little hand. ...
assout:
assout:
rabbi
The Whaler Loves Detail City
The strange Christmas scene
In a small southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me.
The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets.
Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a "Quik Stop" on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, "You stupid Yankees never do read the Bible!" I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible.
She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face she said "See, it says right here, 'The three wise man came from afar.'"
assout:
In a small southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me.
The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets.
Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a "Quik Stop" on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, "You stupid Yankees never do read the Bible!" I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible.
She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face she said "See, it says right here, 'The three wise man came from afar.'"
assout:There are no limitations,only the ones we create in our own minds.:rofl:10:
rabbi
The Whaler Loves Detail City
The Burglar
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say, "Jesus is watching you!"
Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again.
"Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again.
The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.
He asked the parrot, "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?"
"Yes," said the parrot.
The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, and asked the parrot, "What's your name?"
"Clarence," said the bird.
"That's a stupid name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot would name a parrot Clarence?"
The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus."
assout:
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say, "Jesus is watching you!"
Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again.
"Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again.
The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.
He asked the parrot, "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?"
"Yes," said the parrot.
The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, and asked the parrot, "What's your name?"
"Clarence," said the bird.
"That's a stupid name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot would name a parrot Clarence?"
The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus."
assout:
Stephan
Mr Detailer
(Lois walks in on Stewie torturing a bully)
Stewie: We're playing house...
Lois: But that kid is all tied up!
Stewie: Roman Polanski's house.
Stewie: We're playing house...
Lois: But that kid is all tied up!
Stewie: Roman Polanski's house.
Reddwarf
New member
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To prove to the Armadillo that it can be done.
To prove to the Armadillo that it can be done.
rabbi
The Whaler Loves Detail City
Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building. One turns to the other and says: "You know last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building- by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window." The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar.
The 2nd Man says: "What are you a nut? There is no way in heck that could happen."
1st Man: "No, it's true let me prove it to you." So he gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and careens to the street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him around the building and back into the 10th floor window and he takes the elevator back up to the bar.
The 2nd Man tells him: "You know I saw that with my own eyes, but that must have been a one time fluke."
1st Man: "No, I'll prove it again" and again he jumps and hurtles toward the street where the 10th floor wind gently carries him around the building and into the window. Once upstairs he urges his fellow drinker to try it.
2nd Man: "Well what the heck, it works, I'll try it." So he jumps over the balcony, plunges downward, passes the 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th floors and hits the sidewalk with a 'splat.'
Back upstairs the Bartender turns to the other drinker:
"You know, Superman, you're a real jerk when you're drunk."assout:
The 2nd Man says: "What are you a nut? There is no way in heck that could happen."
1st Man: "No, it's true let me prove it to you." So he gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and careens to the street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him around the building and back into the 10th floor window and he takes the elevator back up to the bar.
The 2nd Man tells him: "You know I saw that with my own eyes, but that must have been a one time fluke."
1st Man: "No, I'll prove it again" and again he jumps and hurtles toward the street where the 10th floor wind gently carries him around the building and into the window. Once upstairs he urges his fellow drinker to try it.
2nd Man: "Well what the heck, it works, I'll try it." So he jumps over the balcony, plunges downward, passes the 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th floors and hits the sidewalk with a 'splat.'
Back upstairs the Bartender turns to the other drinker:
"You know, Superman, you're a real jerk when you're drunk."
assout:
rabbi
The Whaler Loves Detail City
I bet I can bite both of my eyes
A man walks into a bar has a few drinks and asks what his tab was. The bartender replies that it is twenty dollars plus tip. The guy says, "I'll bet you my tab double or nothing that I can bite my eye." The bartender accepts the bet, and the guy pulls out his glass eye and bites it.
He has a few more drinks and asks for his bill again. The bartender reports that his bill now is thirty dollars plus tip. He bets the bartender he can bite his other eye. The bartender accepts knowing the man can't possibly have two glass eyes. The guy then proceeds by taking out his false teeth and biting his other eye.
assout:
A man walks into a bar has a few drinks and asks what his tab was. The bartender replies that it is twenty dollars plus tip. The guy says, "I'll bet you my tab double or nothing that I can bite my eye." The bartender accepts the bet, and the guy pulls out his glass eye and bites it.
He has a few more drinks and asks for his bill again. The bartender reports that his bill now is thirty dollars plus tip. He bets the bartender he can bite his other eye. The bartender accepts knowing the man can't possibly have two glass eyes. The guy then proceeds by taking out his false teeth and biting his other eye.
assout:
Reddwarf
New member
One day a policeman stopped a motorist who had just gone through a four way stop sign and was about to give him a ticket when the motorist said. "Officer you can't give me a ticket for that!' "Why not" said the officer. "Because although I did not stop I slowed right down and its almost the same." "But you did not stop" replied the officer, "and the sign says STOP." "But the way was clear and it was safe" replied the motorist. The officer then pulls out his batton and starts hitting the motorist. "What are you doing!" yells the motorist in surprise. "Do you want me to slow down or stop" says the officer.
Troy@Protekt
a.k.a. Troy@DetailCity
Some good one liners
"Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot."
"One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor."
"One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people."
"To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it."
"I doubt, therefore I might be."
"Age is a very high price to pay for maturity."
"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day."
"Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?"
"If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2? "
"If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?"
"If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?"
"Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?"
"Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot."
"One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor."
"One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people."
"To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it."
"I doubt, therefore I might be."
"Age is a very high price to pay for maturity."
"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day."
"Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?"
"If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2? "
"If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?"
"If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?"
"Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?"
YNOT
Poorboys Rules!
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes and said, "I need some cyanide." The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband." The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!" The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well, now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
:rofl
:rofl
Reddwarf
New member
:rofl Good one!
rayoto
Nice and Cool
Spoken like a true Floridian.:10:
Big Leegr
Swirls?!?! NNOOOOOOO!!!!!
What did the zero say to the eight?
"Nice belt."
"Nice belt."
4get gto
Member
Hate to let this thead die..........
I belong to a car club and copy and paste you guys with the jokes in the news letter all the time........
Just too much LOL.........
I belong to a car club and copy and paste you guys with the jokes in the news letter all the time........
Just too much LOL.........
Reddwarf
New member
She was Soooooooo Blonde
* She thought a quarterback was a refund.
* She thought General Motors was in the army.
* She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
* She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
* At the bottom of an application where it says "Sign here:" she wrote
"Sagittarius."
* She thought a quarterback was a refund.
* She thought General Motors was in the army.
* She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
* She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
* At the bottom of an application where it says "Sign here:" she wrote
"Sagittarius."