Big Leegr
Swirls?!?! NNOOOOOOO!!!!!
What's worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.:rockon
Hailing taxis.:rockon
Jokes to cheer u up
- Thread starter The Chee
- Start date
jaybs02
New member
RETIRED SHOPPERS
My wife and I are retired. She insists that I go with
her to Wal-mart. I get bored with all the shopping. I
prefer to get in and get out, but she loves to browse.
Here's a letter sent to her from the store.
Dear Mrs. Wilson
Over the past six months, your husband has been
causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot
tolerate this behavior and may ban both of you from
our stores. We have documented all incidents on our
video surveillance equipment.
All complaints against Mr. Wilson are listed below.
Things Mr. Wilson has done while his spouse was
shopping in Wal-mart:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put
them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to
go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor
leading to the restrooms.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in
an official tone, 'Code 3' in house wares.. and
watched what happened.
5. Aug 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a
bag of M&M's on layaway.
6. Sept 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a
carpeted area.
7. Sept 15: Set up a tent in the camping department
and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll
bring pillows from the bedding department
8. Sept 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he
begins to cry and asks, 'Why can't you people just
leave me alone?'
9. Oct 4: Looked right into the security camera; used
it as a mirror, and picked his nose.
10. Nov 10: While handling guns in the hunting
department, asked the clerk if he knows where to find
the antidepressants.
11. Dec 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly
humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. Dec 6: In the auto department, practiced his
"Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Dec 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people
browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. Dec 21: When an announcement came over the loud
speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
And last, but not least ...
15. Dec 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door
waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "There is no
toilet paper in here!"
My wife and I are retired. She insists that I go with
her to Wal-mart. I get bored with all the shopping. I
prefer to get in and get out, but she loves to browse.
Here's a letter sent to her from the store.
Dear Mrs. Wilson
Over the past six months, your husband has been
causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot
tolerate this behavior and may ban both of you from
our stores. We have documented all incidents on our
video surveillance equipment.
All complaints against Mr. Wilson are listed below.
Things Mr. Wilson has done while his spouse was
shopping in Wal-mart:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put
them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to
go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor
leading to the restrooms.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in
an official tone, 'Code 3' in house wares.. and
watched what happened.
5. Aug 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a
bag of M&M's on layaway.
6. Sept 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a
carpeted area.
7. Sept 15: Set up a tent in the camping department
and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll
bring pillows from the bedding department
8. Sept 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he
begins to cry and asks, 'Why can't you people just
leave me alone?'
9. Oct 4: Looked right into the security camera; used
it as a mirror, and picked his nose.
10. Nov 10: While handling guns in the hunting
department, asked the clerk if he knows where to find
the antidepressants.
11. Dec 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly
humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. Dec 6: In the auto department, practiced his
"Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Dec 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people
browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. Dec 21: When an announcement came over the loud
speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
And last, but not least ...
15. Dec 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door
waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "There is no
toilet paper in here!"
Big Leegr
Swirls?!?! NNOOOOOOO!!!!!
Not realistic, but funny anyway, I think:
***Disclaimer*** I apologize in advance if this has been posted previously.
Today begins the season of Lent for many Christians. Though celebrated by many, not everyone follow the same traditions/practices as demonstrated below...
Speaking of the Lenten season...
Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. But, all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic....And since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday. The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.
The Priest came to visit Bubba, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass, and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a
Baptist, and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic."
Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as he rushed into Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.
There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted:
You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you a catfish.
Today begins the season of Lent for many Christians. Though celebrated by many, not everyone follow the same traditions/practices as demonstrated below...
Speaking of the Lenten season...
Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. But, all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic....And since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday. The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.
The Priest came to visit Bubba, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass, and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a
Baptist, and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic."
Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as he rushed into Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.
There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted:
You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you a catfish.
scottlee
New member
As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of
her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers
the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of
your load."
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.When the truck stops
for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car,
runs up and knocks on the door.
Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the
blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of
your load!" Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues
down the street.
At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath,
the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door.
The trucker lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and
you are losing some of your load!" When the light turns green the trucker
revs up and races to the next light.
When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back
to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says
"Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Indiana, and I'm driving the SALT
TRUCK!"
her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers
the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of
your load."
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.When the truck stops
for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car,
runs up and knocks on the door.
Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the
blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of
your load!" Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues
down the street.
At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath,
the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door.
The trucker lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and
you are losing some of your load!" When the light turns green the trucker
revs up and races to the next light.
When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back
to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says
"Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Indiana, and I'm driving the SALT
TRUCK!"
joe.p
New member
re: jokes to cheer you up..
Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
The man said, "I do, Father."
The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."
Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.
"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.
Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."
The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."
Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
The man said, "I do, Father."
The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."
Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.
"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.
Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."
The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."
joe.p
New member
Re: jokes to cheer you up..
Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.
"Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"
"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"
Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.
"Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"
"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"
Big Leegr
Swirls?!?! NNOOOOOOO!!!!!
A group of tribesmen were plotting to steal the throne of the neighboring tribe's king. Once it got dark, they snuck over and stole it, bringing it back to their village.
"Where are we going to hide this big thing?" asked one.
"Let's put it up in the rafters of our grass hut! Nobody will think of looking there!" replied another.
And so they did.
"Let's have a party to celebrate our accomplishment!" suggested one.
And so they did.
Loud music and wild dancing ensued.
Unfortunately, the rafters of the grass hut couldn't withstand all the vibration and the throne crashed down and killed the thieves.
And so, it just goes to show you, those who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
"Where are we going to hide this big thing?" asked one.
"Let's put it up in the rafters of our grass hut! Nobody will think of looking there!" replied another.
And so they did.
"Let's have a party to celebrate our accomplishment!" suggested one.
And so they did.
Loud music and wild dancing ensued.
Unfortunately, the rafters of the grass hut couldn't withstand all the vibration and the throne crashed down and killed the thieves.
And so, it just goes to show you, those who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
norahcrv
I wish . . .
Here's a little Easter humour . . .
A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car & splaattt
The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is the Easter Bunny, and he is DEAD. The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.
A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees the man crying on the side of the road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong.
"I feel terrible," ! he explains, "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny with my car and KILLED HIM."
The blonde says,"Don't worry." & runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead Easter Bunny, bends down, and sprays the contents onto him. The Easter Bunny jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road. Ten feet away he stops, - turns around and waves again. He hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves yet again, hops another ten feet, and again turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.
The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on the Easter Bunny ?"
The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label. It says . . .
(Are you ready for this?)
(Are you sure?)
(You know you're gonna be sorry)
(Last chance)
(OK, here it is)
It says,
"Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair, and adds permanent wave."
Happy Easter! !!
A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car & splaattt
The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is the Easter Bunny, and he is DEAD. The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.
A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees the man crying on the side of the road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong.
"I feel terrible," ! he explains, "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny with my car and KILLED HIM."
The blonde says,"Don't worry." & runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead Easter Bunny, bends down, and sprays the contents onto him. The Easter Bunny jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road. Ten feet away he stops, - turns around and waves again. He hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves yet again, hops another ten feet, and again turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.
The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on the Easter Bunny ?"
The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label. It says . . .
(Are you ready for this?)
(Are you sure?)
(You know you're gonna be sorry)
(Last chance)
(OK, here it is)
It says,
"Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair, and adds permanent wave."
Happy Easter! !!
The Chee
I'm back YIPEE Refreshed!
Blonde joke :rofl :rofl Thanks, I needed that before returning to the jungle :crazy2:
jaybs02
New member
Dr Walmart
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind
him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor."
"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.
"There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine
sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do
about it.
It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars . . . A lot cheaper than a
doctor."
So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to
Wal-Mart.
He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the
urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.
Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:
"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy
activity. It will improve in two weeks.
Thank you for shopping @Wal-Mart."
That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe
began wondering if the computer could be fooled.
He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples
from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.
Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits
ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.
The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get
better!
Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind
him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor."
"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.
"There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine
sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do
about it.
It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars . . . A lot cheaper than a
doctor."
So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to
Wal-Mart.
He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the
urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.
Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:
"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy
activity. It will improve in two weeks.
Thank you for shopping @Wal-Mart."
That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe
began wondering if the computer could be fooled.
He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples
from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.
Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits
ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.
The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get
better!
Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart
audiboy
Hail the power of Quattro
:lol:
That one is pretty good.
That one is pretty good.
Troy@Protekt
a.k.a. Troy@DetailCity
:lmfao I love it!
4get gto
Member
Happy baking, and Merry Christmas!
Jose Cuervo Christmas Cookies
1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup or brown sugar
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila
Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one Level Cup and drink.
Turn on the electric mixer... Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one peastoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it's best to Make sure the Cuervo is still OK, try another cup...just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy.
Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the flipping fruit off the floor...
Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaters just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who geeves a sheet. Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the wishdasher.
Cherry Mistmas
Jose Cuervo Christmas Cookies
1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup or brown sugar
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila
Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one Level Cup and drink.
Turn on the electric mixer... Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one peastoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it's best to Make sure the Cuervo is still OK, try another cup...just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy.
Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the flipping fruit off the floor...
Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaters just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who geeves a sheet. Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the wishdasher.
Cherry Mistmas
4get gto
Member
Guys if you read this threw I hope you find some humor in this.. My 1st post but been lurking a long time \..........Merry X-Mas
Reddwarf
New member
Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor, who tries a few things but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man.
The medicine man says, "I can cure this." That said, he throws a white powder in a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.
Then he says, "This is powerful medicine. You can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say '123' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"
The guy then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?"
The medicine man replies: "All you or your partner has to say is
1234, and it will go down. But be warned -- it will not work again for another year!"
Harry rushes home, eager to try out his new powers and prowess. That night he is ready to surprise Joyce. He showers, shaves, and puts on his most exotic shaving lotion. He gets into bed, and lying next to her says, "123."
He suddenly becomes more aroused than anytime in his life ... Just as the medicine man had promised.
Joyce, who had been facing away, turns over and asks, "What did you say 123 for?"
And that, my friends, is why you shouldn't end a sentence with a preposition.
The medicine man says, "I can cure this." That said, he throws a white powder in a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.
Then he says, "This is powerful medicine. You can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say '123' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"
The guy then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?"
The medicine man replies: "All you or your partner has to say is
1234, and it will go down. But be warned -- it will not work again for another year!"
Harry rushes home, eager to try out his new powers and prowess. That night he is ready to surprise Joyce. He showers, shaves, and puts on his most exotic shaving lotion. He gets into bed, and lying next to her says, "123."
He suddenly becomes more aroused than anytime in his life ... Just as the medicine man had promised.
Joyce, who had been facing away, turns over and asks, "What did you say 123 for?"
And that, my friends, is why you shouldn't end a sentence with a preposition.
Big Leegr
Swirls?!?! NNOOOOOOO!!!!!
Man robs a bank and takes hostages.
He asks the first hostage if he saw him rob the bank.
Hostage answers "yes."
Robber shoots him.
He asks the second hostage if he saw him rob the bank.
Hostage answers "yes."
Robber shoots him.
He asks the third hostage if he saw him rob the bank.
Hostage answers, "No, but my wife did."
He asks the first hostage if he saw him rob the bank.
Hostage answers "yes."
Robber shoots him.
He asks the second hostage if he saw him rob the bank.
Hostage answers "yes."
Robber shoots him.
He asks the third hostage if he saw him rob the bank.
Hostage answers, "No, but my wife did."
Big Leegr
Swirls?!?! NNOOOOOOO!!!!!
An up and coming young man gets promoted to president of a company. He arrives at his office the first day and is met by the exiting president.
"Young man, when I first became president of this company, I was given 3 envelopes by the previous president. He said I should open them one at a time as times of trouble arose in the company. I have found what he wrote on them to be valuable over the years. Now, I am giving you 3 envelopes in the hopes that they will serve you well also."
The young man felt that he already knew everything, but took the envelopes anyways as the old man left.
Well, as it turned out, the company ran into some troubles. The young man didn't know what to do. The he remembered the envelopes. He took the envelope labeled #1 and opened it. It said "Spend lots of money on advertising! Lower the prices!" He did and soon the products were household names again and everything seemed to be fine. But it didn't last.
After a while, everyone had the product and didn't need anymore. Sales dropped. Shareholders were angry. He got worried again. He tried to advertise more, but it didn't work. He then remembered the envelopes! He ran to the office and opened #2. It said "Cut expenses!" He ran out and cut back on bonuses, laid off massive amounts of people and cut spending to the bone. Shortly, profits rose and the shareholders were appeased. Things seemed to be fine again.
But, unfortunately, it didn't last. troubles arose again and there was nowhere else to cut expenses. Advertising didn't help. He was at a loss. Then he remembered the third envelope!
He ran back to the office and tore open the third envelope. It said "Prepare 3 envelopes."
"Young man, when I first became president of this company, I was given 3 envelopes by the previous president. He said I should open them one at a time as times of trouble arose in the company. I have found what he wrote on them to be valuable over the years. Now, I am giving you 3 envelopes in the hopes that they will serve you well also."
The young man felt that he already knew everything, but took the envelopes anyways as the old man left.
Well, as it turned out, the company ran into some troubles. The young man didn't know what to do. The he remembered the envelopes. He took the envelope labeled #1 and opened it. It said "Spend lots of money on advertising! Lower the prices!" He did and soon the products were household names again and everything seemed to be fine. But it didn't last.
After a while, everyone had the product and didn't need anymore. Sales dropped. Shareholders were angry. He got worried again. He tried to advertise more, but it didn't work. He then remembered the envelopes! He ran to the office and opened #2. It said "Cut expenses!" He ran out and cut back on bonuses, laid off massive amounts of people and cut spending to the bone. Shortly, profits rose and the shareholders were appeased. Things seemed to be fine again.
But, unfortunately, it didn't last. troubles arose again and there was nowhere else to cut expenses. Advertising didn't help. He was at a loss. Then he remembered the third envelope!
He ran back to the office and tore open the third envelope. It said "Prepare 3 envelopes."
Big Leegr
Swirls?!?! NNOOOOOOO!!!!!
Here's one from another detailing board posted by "dal23" (In the UK, so the references are a little different.)
EVENING STANDARD (AP) - A seven-year-old boy was at the centre of a
London courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over
who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by
his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in
keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity
be maintained to the degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him
more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When
the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy
cried out that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning
that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge
took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should
have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and
confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody
to Tottenham Hotspur Football Club whom the boy firmly believes are
incapable of beating anyone.
EVENING STANDARD (AP) - A seven-year-old boy was at the centre of a
London courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over
who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by
his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in
keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity
be maintained to the degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him
more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When
the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy
cried out that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning
that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge
took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should
have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and
confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody
to Tottenham Hotspur Football Club whom the boy firmly believes are
incapable of beating anyone.
rabbi
The Whaler Loves Detail City
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and
slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just
get so stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT
HAPPY!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
assout:
slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just
get so stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT
HAPPY!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
assout: