How do you guys deal with "girls night out"?

[quote name='tdekany']Brandon, if these are some of the best times for you, I'd say you have a pretty low self esteem.



Don't you think that you are good enough to have someone that is actually compatible for QUOTE]



Sorry, dont really appreciate that. Thx tho.
 
Corey Bit Spank said:
I'm sorry, but I'd be worried too if she's allowing guys to rub their doodads up all over her.
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Thank goodness someone else on my side. (although she isnt allowing guys to rub, they are creeps and do it anyway whether she likes it or not)
 
Brandon1 said:
Thank goodness someone else on my side. (although she isnt allowing guys to rub, they are creeps and do it anyway whether she likes it or not)(until she beats the Sh!t out of em, which she has done before)
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We are ALL on your side.
 
Before you guys get too heated with this argument, my observation is that there are two schools of thought on relationships:



1. You have to work at them, compromise, pick your battles, etc.



2. If you have to do the stuff in #1, you haven't found the right person yet.



I don't know which one is right, I'm still trying to figure it out.
 
Setec Astronomy said:
Before you guys get too heated with this argument, my observation is that there are two schools of thought on relationships:



1. You have to work at them, compromise, pick your battles, etc.



2. If you have to do the stuff in #1, you haven't found the right person yet.



I don't know which one is right, I'm still trying to figure it out.
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I am calm & Brandon I am sorry if I hurt your feelings.



BTW, you were asking about a very very personal issue. I don't think I was out of line, but if you see it that way... sorry.



PS: you are asking people that you don't know at all.



Maybe, a counselor at school might be the right person, or call Dr Drew and see what he says. Good luck to you.



PPS: Or you can just except her the way she is and that should make you feel better about the situation. Practicing unconditional love is always an excellent excercize.
 
tdekany said:
PPS: Or you can just except her the way she is and that should make you feel better about the situation. Practicing unconditional love is always an excellent excercize.
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That is what I want to hear! Thanks
 
Setec Astronomy said:
there are two schools of thought on relationships:



1. You have to work at them, compromise, pick your battles, etc.



2. If you have to do the stuff in #1, you haven't found the right person yet.
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Heh heh, OK, this is just my opinion, but here's a hint: assuming you get to choose, which of the above would *you* rather spend you life subscribing to ;) OK, well, you *do* get to choose :clap:



No way would I spend my life with #1. Life's hard enough anyhow. IMO it's a lot easier to work at finding the right person than it is to work at living with the wrong one. It's like choosing between two cars at the same cost- one that you can buy today that you're uncomfortable in versus one you have to spend a while looking for that you *are* comfortable in. Note that you gotta testdrive a few to find what comfort means to you and what's comfortable when you're 16 might not be so great when you're 40.



Had I been willing to work/compromise/etc. I wouldn't have ended up with Accumulatorette, with whom such stuff just isn't necessary. She'd been married a few times before, and she'll definitely agree that #2 is the way to go.



None of the above is intended to say that Brandon01's girl isn't right for him, BTW. I don't know if the problem is with his perception of the situation or with the actual situation/girl. Consider that in a few years he and the girl will both almost certainly be different people anyhow. I can't imagine anybody being the same person at 30 that they were in college. That doesn't mean this isn't something important, but it does mean you gotta have perspective.



Self esteem- IMO everyone oughta read a book (or five) by Nathaniel Branden. Too many people spend more time studying [most anything] than they do figuring out things like themselves and life.



IMO too many people rush into long-term relationships before they even know just what they want in a mate or even who they themselves are. Most of my friends and relatives sure did.



Related: What *is* love? Based on your definition, *is* love conditional or unconditional? There are some pretty widely divergent views on this stuff.



Edited for spelling :o
 
Accumulator: It's Nathaniel Branden , with an "e". :)





I just searched some of his books on Amazon...Any you could particularly reccomend?
 
Accumulator, I agree that #2 is the correct answer, but I have had some gf's try to convince me that #1 is the way it works :( Oh...and perspective... :2thumbs:
 
Setec Astronomy said:
Accumulator, I agree that #2 is the correct answer, but I have had some gf's try to convince me that #1 is the way it works..
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Heh heh, yeah, it's always other people who try to get *you* to work hard at it huh? That's usually a clue too ;)



GSRstilez- Thanks for catching that :o



Most of Branden's stuff is good, but he was off-base a little in his earlier works (didn't understand gays, etc.) the way most people were in those days. I'd buy used copies of his stuff (maybe try HERE ), but I'd get recently published versions. He corrected himself in all the areas I thought he was wrong, so at leas IMO he's about as good a source as you're gonna find.



The Art of Living Consciously is great, sorta an owner's manual for your mind.



Honoring the Self is good for people who know (or suspect) that they might not "be the way they want to be" or who think people don't understand them (and care about it). If what people say about you gets under your skin this might be a good one.



The Six Pillars of Self-esteem is a good general book on the topic.



A lot of his stuff can be pretty similar, sorta a deja vu thing. I don't mind that but my wife sorta jokes about it (but note that she still read 'em ;) ).



People often find Branden's works unsettling, sometimes subconsciously so. Sometimes it's a matter of his belief system clashing with theirs. Other times, people say "I already know that; I don't need to read that stuff". This is usually a clue that they're evading something that they don't want to face up to. People who really *do* have their act together usually enjoy reading this stuff as it reinforces their worldview.



Some of his books have exercises, usually sentence completion stuff, that it's easy to blow off (hey, we're all *so* busy, right?) but these really are valuable. I can pretty much guarantee that anybody will find out stuff about themselves that they don't consciously know.



It really is worth reading this stuff. People, especially guys, often act like self-esteem (like being skilled at stuff like driving, making love, and shooting firearms) is something that they were just naturally born with ;) Sometimes it is... but not always.



This probably isn't as OT as it might sound. All sorts of things are all tied together in life. Gee, don't I all Yoda sound today :o
 
Let's put the shoe on the other foot so to speak...



How would the GF feel if Brandon went out with the guys clubbing once or twice a month, rubbing on babes?



How does she feel when she's stuck at the dorm while he is at the beach with a bunch of bikini clad babes around?



Relationships are built on trust.
 
Gonzo0903 said:
Let's put the shoe on the other foot so to speak...



How would the GF feel if Brandon went out with the guys clubbing once or twice a month, rubbing on babes?



How does she feel when she's stuck at the dorm while he is at the beach with a bunch of bikini clad babes around?



Relationships are built on trust.
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Very nice way of putting things
 
Brandon, I dont mean any disrespect by this but are you wanting honest advice (as best as strangers can give) or are you looking more for validation for the way you feel? There have been many good bits advice from many different memebrs so far on this thread. Has your GF ever actually given you a reason to not trust her?
 
I've gotta answer your question first: I dig girl's night out. but then, I'm less ambivalent about it and don't really think of it that way. it's about hanging out with the family you get to choose, and that means your friends. I also have a deal of respect for space and time, so I hang out with my friends and expect my gf to have her own friends and life for that matter. some overlap and some don't and that's fine. boys, girls, no matter.



but I don't always have to be around others. I'm also a big fan of glenn gould's theory that a ratio exists between time spent with others and time spent with oneself. so I myself enjoy my time. it's different for everyone. you need to know your own tendancies, and that comes, whether fortunately or not, from observing your own life in hindsite.



couple of comments for you though. sometimes people get caught up in their own mindset and can't be here now - always the past or future. sometimes a combination of two people becomes a third, whether or not it's pretty. sometimes two can share of themselves independently. sometimes not. sometimes people want to exhibit control. and all this stuff causes a reaction, and it's not always good, and sometimes it's jealous or possessive. now who really wants to feel like that? given alot of other factors in women I've known, I might justify it. I have. not lately though. but no matter my choices, I think maybe that's where you are right now.



thing is that's not what it's about. it's about finding a place where you can exploit everyone's best, understand the big stuff and let the little stuff go. a place to be able to give and be able to take freely, and that's not easy to find. it's easy once you find it, and I don't know how else to describe. what it's not is placing yourself in a situation where you know you won't thrive.



and it's all about free will, so just let it go. otherwise, you've sacrificed yours. I think that's what adults meant back when I was a kid and everyone kept telling me not to get so serious all the time. everyone's free to stay or go on a whim, and in my experience they probably will. if she stays, good for you. maybe.
 
LightngSVT said:
Brandon, I dont mean any disrespect by this but are you wanting honest advice (as best as strangers can give) or are you looking more for validation for the way you feel? There have been many good bits advice from many different memebrs so far on this thread. Has your GF ever actually given you a reason to not trust her?
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I am looking for honest advice on the question that I origionally asked. How do yall deal with your women going out drinking/clubbing. I dont like it and I want to figure out if there is anyone else that is with me, and how do or did they get over not liking it. B/c as much as some people think that I should go with someone else that dosent have this issue(no disrespect, I know yall are strangers that are trying really hard to help me) I am still going to be with this girl for as long as fate lets me no matter who tells me. Remember, I am 18 and still very hard-headed, and dont want to hear things I dont want to hear. Teens are just like that.



No disrespect to all the people that have replied so far, some have helped and some havent. I appreciate all of the interest in trying to help me out.
 
There is no majic answer because everyone is an individual and reacts differently. If you both are that young, how is she going out drinking (of course *I* never drank underage :lol )? Has she ever cheated on you in the past? Has any of your other GFs cheated on you? Now my wife travels for business regularly and also goes on scuba diving trips with her "dive buddies", some men. When away in Texas or wherever she takes out customer (mostly men), and them and other co-workers occasionally go to bars, etc. Now I think there is a difference between a bar and a club however. Does your GF go out, get drunk and grind on other dudes? If so I can see your concern. Like many have said there are trust issues that you need to address as well as finding out who you are and what makes you tick. Im in no way saying to get rid of her, but I think a good first step would be an honest conversation where you can tell her exactly how you feel about her behavior and OPENLY listen to whatever she has to say whether its what you want to hear or not. And if things really are good between you two, your just going to have to work on trusting her and letting go of your anxiety. If you become to klingy she will either treat you like a door mat or she will eventually look elsewhere for more freedom. The biggest thing is to communicate!!!! College is supposed to be a FUN time in your life (I remember those years very fondly!), so dont waste them worrying and dont give up your guy frineds either, you can have a GF and keep your guy friends too. Just try to lighten up a bit, trust and have some fun.
 
Scottwax said:
Divorce solved my problems. ;)
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LOL, thats funny.











But in all seriousness to this topic, you have to remember that its very easy to lose your friends over a girl(I have been there and done that, do not make the same mistake I have done).



Remember, friends will always be there for ya(assuming they are good friends who dont stab your back on you), girls will come and go. Enjoy life for what it is, there is no reason to settle down to early, because 90% of the time, it won't work out at an early age. Explore your options, then make your decision!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
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