How do you guys deal with "girls night out"?

Brandon1 said:
that is a definate yes on that one. I dont like to think about her having a beer in her hands.
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Brandon, she is not the one for you. I hate to tell you, even if it hurts your feelings. I am sorry. I am looking out for you



I've been there & you are not the last one either.



The chances of having a respectful relationship in the long run would most likely come with someone who is a non drinker like yourself. She is out there For what it's worth.
 
I'm an old married guy now - but tdekany is right on. It sounds like you don't trust her, especially when she's drinking.



As an aside, I love when my wife goes on girls nights out. It just means I get to have guys night out. :D
 
It's tough and I went through that a few yrs ago. On the one had I always wanted her to drive so she could leave when and if she wanted to. I mean sometimes the gf's coax her into joining them after hours and go to some strange doods house to party.....no thx! It's worse if her gf's are single because if they are meeting guys they really won't care that your gf is hitched!



On the other hand, if I know she is gonna be drinking I don't want her driving.



There is no easy way, except to talk about it and have a mutual trust and respect.
 
Brandon1 said:
She is my girlfriend and my best friend(my guy friends dont hang out with me anymore b/c I am "always spending time with her)
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Ugh, take the skirt off dude (joking). I have seen far too many friendships go the wayside over this. The sad part is, the girlfriends are long gone and friendships are damaged.



Like the old expression "bros over hoes." I am in no way saying that's your g-friend, but it gets the point accross.



Part of having a successful relationship is having her blend in with your friends so you all can go out and spend time with everyone as well as having quality alone time with her. It is important to include her with your friends as well as spending time apart from her. The same applies to you and her friends.



If you're concerned about what her girls night out agenda is (strip club, casino, etc...) then you need to let her now how you feel and indicate that if you do the same then she can't get bent out of shape. When I threw my best friend's bachelor party, it involved certain activities of a not so "moral" nature. My other close friend who was engaged, decided not to attend the festivities, only dinner. He indicated he had a close talk with his fiance and she asked that he not attend and he respected and honored her decision. My point is, we all repsected his decision and gave him no grief because all during their dating years (two I believe) she was a part of our group. He was able to strike a balance with his now wife and his group of friends. He still went on all sorts of guys night out events with us over the years like footbal games, baseball games, golf outings, bars, and even strip clubs (while he was dating).



Don't lose your friends over her and don't be a controller. The cornerstone of a healthy relationship is trust and communication. If you don't have them, then you're doomed.
 
Guess yall are right, need to have more trust with the gf. She can hang around with any of my "friends", but they wont b/c im either with her, they are working, or i'm at the beach. I want to continue on this relationship path, and to do that it sounds like I need to be more open minded to other ideas about this subject.
 
[quote name='DETAILKING']It's tough and I went through that a few yrs ago. On the one had I always wanted her to drive so she could leave when and if she wanted to. I mean sometimes the gf's coax her into joining them after hours and go to some strange doods house to party.....no thx! It's worse if her gf's are single because if they are meeting guys they really won't care that your gf is hitched!

QUOTE]



That is pretty much exactly what is happening. All of her friends are single, and love to hook up with other guys, and rebecca feels guilty for not going with them. She has respect for me and us as a couple, but she likes to have a little fun i guess.
 
tdekany said:
Brandon, she is not the one for you. I hate to tell you, even if it hurts your feelings. I am sorry. I am looking out for you



I've been there & you are not the last one either.



The chances of having a respectful relationship in the long run would most likely come with someone who is a non drinker like yourself. She is out there For what it's worth.
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I dont mind drinking at all, I just dont like having the mental picture in my head of her doing it. I have a bad habit of creating bad mental pictures of stuff that i should not be thinking about.
 
Brandon1 said:
I have a bad habit of creating bad mental pictures of stuff that i should not be thinking about.
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Thinking about stuff is good, just gotta be productive thinking or else you won't get anywhere.



Any reason to think she *really* might do something awful? If so, at least talk with her about it. If not, try to figure out why you worry about it anyhow.



And don't be afraid to (really) consider that the two of you really might not be right for each other. If you never consider it, you'll never decide if it's true or not. Thinking about it doesn't make it true/false, it just means you've thought it through and come to a conclusion based on something that makes sense rather than some knee-jerk reaction.



Spilchy- Heh heh, some of my oldest and best friends are the gals I used to go out with, I sorta drifted away from most of the guys I grew up with. Now most of my guy friends are people I met later in life, friendships based on shared interests and values that I didn't have when I was younger. Funny, but the girls and I grew *more* compatible over the years. They joke that we're "amicably divorced without having bothered with getting married". Accumulatorette and I both go out with ex-significant others, no big deal, and everybody gets along fine.
 
[quote name='Accumulator']Thinking about stuff is good, just gotta be productive thinking or else you won't get anywhere.



Any reason to think she *really* might do something awful? If so, at least talk with her about it. If not, try to figure out why you worry about it anyhow.



QUOTE]



No not at all. She hasent done anything in her life that would make me think that. I am still scared of it tho. Guess its good to be a little scared at some times or people may get to comforatable, maybe I am taking it to the extreme.
 
I think a very good but over looked question here is Why dont you trust and/also why dont you trust her with "a beer in her hands"? There may be history why this is an issue?
 
I let my wife goto Cancun with one of her friends when that other person's dad died.



I never worried about a female leaving me, and i have often said, if you want to leave there is the door.



But thats just stuff that gets to the surface when being together for 12 or 13 years.



Anyways, women like the contrasts.



They like cold nites with a warm fire.



They like a man who can kill a lion with their bare hands and then cuddle with them and watch Desperate Housewives.



All in all i dont think you have a problem with her, not really. You have a problem with how you percieve yourself.



Distrust comes from either knowing that you cannot trust yourself or thinking that you are not good enough for her, especially if you have no reason to doubt her.
 
Picus said:
I'm an old married guy now - but tdekany is right on. It sounds like you don't trust her, especially when she's drinking.



As an aside, I love when my wife goes on girls nights out. It just means I get to have guys night out. :D
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Agreed!



It seems as though friends become fewer as time and marriage go on. Enjoy your friendships and dont give em up! Dont forget, you girlfriend or wife can be a great friend too!
 
Go out and have fun!!!!! there is no need for you to stay home and sulk. I love girls night out......I get to go cruising and hoop it up with my friends. If you stay at home waiting for her with negative thoughts, you will regret it one day.



Pat
 
Sometimes its good to have a little time apart. Maybe try getting involved with other activities or hanging out with older friends that you've lost since you've been tied up with your gf. The worst would be to just sit around and let your mind think of all the "what ifs". You can also tell her how you feel about her going out, and maybe make some compromises; less party time for her less detailing time for you :o :nixweiss

Sorry I can't think of any other helpful advice, I haven't really been in that long of a relationship to know, and i'm still on the search for ms. right :(
 
How long have you been with her?



The world is full of women man. Find one that you can be happy with (and doesn't worry you with her drinking or girls-night-outs) since you aren't getting any younger. I'm not saying you need to find a permanent mate or anything, but like these guys are saying it helps to experience both ends of the spectrum and everything inbetween.
 
[quote name='JBM']



All in all i dont think you have a problem with her, not really. You have a problem with how you percieve yourself.

QUOTE]



That is what I want to hear. I dont want to have a problem with her. I understand what everyone else is saying, and have herd it many times from family, but I like what I am doing now. I enjoy being around her for however long it is destined to last. I dont like talking about the future b/c I think it jinxes things, but I hope I get the privledge to be around her for 2 more years as the last 2 have been some of the best in my life.
 
Brandon1 said:
hope I get the privledge to be around her for 2 more years as the last 2 have been some of the best in my life.
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Brandon, if these are some of the best times for you, I'd say you have a pretty low self esteem.



Don't you think that you are good enough to have someone that is actually compatible for you? Plus, you are too young to worry about stuff like this. Enjoy life because next thing you know, you will be in your 40s and wish you did things your way. :confused:
 
tdekany said:
:up :up :up
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I AM happy with this one very much so, I just wanted to know how do deal with one of her imperfections. Every girl has some, and this just happens to be one of her main ones(tattoos did not help either) I have been with other girls and this one far exceeds any one of them. I know I am young, and yall have more experience than me, but it is a little dishearting to hear this. Not to be mean to the people trying to give me advice, but I need a little encouragement to enshure me that this can be worked out. :xyxthumbs
 
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