came across these a while ago thought i'd share em.
Aquarius (Jan 23-Feb 22)
You have an inventive mind and are inclined
to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You
make the same mistakes repeatedly because you
are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a ****ing
jerk.
=============================================
Pisces (Feb 23- Mar 22)
You are a pioneer type and think most people are
dickheads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient
and full of advice. You do nothing but piss-off
everyone you come in contact with. You are a *****.
==============================================
Aries (Mar 23 - April 22)
You have a wild imagination and often think you are
being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor
influence on your friends and people resent you for
flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a
general dipshit.
==============================================
Taurus (April 23- May 22)
You are practical and persistent. You have a
dogged determination and work like hell. Most
people think you are stubborn and bullheaded.
You are nothing but a goddamned communist.
==============================================
Gemini (May 23- June 22)
You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People
like you because you are bisexual. You are
inclined to expect too much for too little.
This means you are a cheap *******. Geminis are
notorious for thriving on incest.
==============================================
Cancer (June 23- July 22)
You are sympathetic and understanding to other
people's problems, which makes you a sucker. You are
always putting things off. That is why you will
always be on welfare and won't be
worth a ****. Everyone in prison is a Cancer.
==============================================
Leo (July 23-Aug 22)
You consider yourself a born leader. Others
think you are an idiot. Most Leos are bullies.
You are vain and cannot tolerate criticism.
Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving
mother****ers and enjoy masturbation more than sex.
=============================================
Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22)
You are the logical type and hate disorder.
Your ****-picking attitude is sickening to your
friends and co-workers. You are cold and unemotional
and often fall asleep while ****ing. Virgos make good
bus drivers and pimps.
==============================================
Libra (Sept 23- Oct 22)
You are the artistic type and have a difficult
time dealing with reality. If you are a male you
are probably queer. Chances for employment and
monetary gain are nil. Most Libra women are whores.
All Libras die of venereal disease.
==============================================
Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 22)
You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd
in business and cannot be trusted. You shall
achieve the pinnacle of success because of your
total lack of ethics. You are the perfect
son-of-a-*****. Most Scorpios are murdered.
==============================================
Sagittarius (Nov 23- Dec 22)
You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have
a reckless tendency to rely on your luck since
you have no talent. The majority of_Sagittarians
are drunks. You are worthless piece of ****.
==============================================
Capricorn (Dec 23- Jan 22)
You are conservative and afraid of taking
risks. You are basically chickenshit. There
has neverbeen a Capricorn of any importance.
You should kill yourself.
Aquarius (Jan 23-Feb 22)
You have an inventive mind and are inclined
to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You
make the same mistakes repeatedly because you
are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a ****ing
jerk.
=============================================
Pisces (Feb 23- Mar 22)
You are a pioneer type and think most people are
dickheads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient
and full of advice. You do nothing but piss-off
everyone you come in contact with. You are a *****.
==============================================
Aries (Mar 23 - April 22)
You have a wild imagination and often think you are
being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor
influence on your friends and people resent you for
flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a
general dipshit.
==============================================
Taurus (April 23- May 22)
You are practical and persistent. You have a
dogged determination and work like hell. Most
people think you are stubborn and bullheaded.
You are nothing but a goddamned communist.
==============================================
Gemini (May 23- June 22)
You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People
like you because you are bisexual. You are
inclined to expect too much for too little.
This means you are a cheap *******. Geminis are
notorious for thriving on incest.
==============================================
Cancer (June 23- July 22)
You are sympathetic and understanding to other
people's problems, which makes you a sucker. You are
always putting things off. That is why you will
always be on welfare and won't be
worth a ****. Everyone in prison is a Cancer.
==============================================
Leo (July 23-Aug 22)
You consider yourself a born leader. Others
think you are an idiot. Most Leos are bullies.
You are vain and cannot tolerate criticism.
Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving
mother****ers and enjoy masturbation more than sex.
=============================================
Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22)
You are the logical type and hate disorder.
Your ****-picking attitude is sickening to your
friends and co-workers. You are cold and unemotional
and often fall asleep while ****ing. Virgos make good
bus drivers and pimps.
==============================================
Libra (Sept 23- Oct 22)
You are the artistic type and have a difficult
time dealing with reality. If you are a male you
are probably queer. Chances for employment and
monetary gain are nil. Most Libra women are whores.
All Libras die of venereal disease.
==============================================
Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 22)
You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd
in business and cannot be trusted. You shall
achieve the pinnacle of success because of your
total lack of ethics. You are the perfect
son-of-a-*****. Most Scorpios are murdered.
==============================================
Sagittarius (Nov 23- Dec 22)
You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have
a reckless tendency to rely on your luck since
you have no talent. The majority of_Sagittarians
are drunks. You are worthless piece of ****.
==============================================
Capricorn (Dec 23- Jan 22)
You are conservative and afraid of taking
risks. You are basically chickenshit. There
has neverbeen a Capricorn of any importance.
You should kill yourself.