Anyone up for giving some advice on girls?

GlossyTundra

GlossyTundra

Tractor Detailer
Ok, so many of you know I had this huge breakup with a girl i'd been dating for 4yrs last july. Hit me pretty hard. Well most of you had great advice and helped me get over it very well. I figured i'd return with another girl problem.



As many of you as well know, i'm dating a new girl for the last 4 months or so. She is fantastic. She's very smart, very nice, not bitchy at all, lets me do what I want, never complains, gets along with my family, goes to church with me, shares my passions of trucks and tractors, etc. You would think, the perfect girl. And up until about a month ago, I thought so as well. Lately, I cant help but think I just dont have as much fun with her as I used to. It's like things between us has gotten really monotonous (sp?). She's just like "i'll do whatever you want to do" and honestly, thats fine, but it gets old after a while. It's like she is just kinda floating along. It's getting really really boring. She says the same things and does the same things. Sometimes I dont even pick up her phone calls b/c I know she is going to say the same thing as the last time I talked to her. Its like "too much" perfection in a girl. Wayyyy to much of a good thing that its almost sickening.



I'm at a loss b/c I dont feel the way I used to anymore towards her and I have this feeling i'd be happier without her. But at the same time, I HATE to loose a girl that is this seemingly perfect. I mean honestly, i've even tried to make this woman mad with no luck. It's like, the last girl I had was a *****, but at least she was still spunky and spontanious. This one is just kinda boring. I'd think about breaking up, but i'd be afraid of making a huge mistake. Then again, on yet another hand, i'm to young to have a "settle" down girl anyway right? Everyone tells me she thinks the world of me and has nothing but awesome things to say about me, and i'd hate to hurt her this bad, but what else should I do?



Thanks for the help (that is if yall dont confuse me more lol)
 
Read the "Mystery Method." Also, I used to think I needed someone else to be whole, that's not correct. I learned how to be happy on my own and then I had something to bring into the relationship when I met my wife. We've been married for 12 years and are polar opposites. It sounds like you're trying to make every girl you date into the "right" one, instead of just waiting for the "right" one. Love can't be rushed and usually only shows up when you're NOT looking for it.
 
Integrity makes some good points. I use to be the guy always looking for the right one and wanting to be settled down with "the one". I've been single for a year and a half - I catch flack from my brother for not getting another girlfriend, but frankly I enjoy being single - spending my days doing whatever I want and just being lazy if I feel like it.



That being said, I would talk with her and see how she feels. Maybe it is something you guys can work on. If not, you could always stay friends and see what the future brings for you. My guess is she really likes you and wants to do whatever she can to make you happy - going along with whatever you want to do and stuff. I'd just talk with her about the situation and see what happens.
 
Only problem with talking with her is that this is something I cant talk to her about. How could you tell someone this problem? B/c thats what i'd like to do is talk to her, but cant figure out how to go about doing so.
 
Well my ex used to do the same thing as far as not having interests of her own. It's usually just because she wants to please you, just get her drunk and talk to her about it then.
 
Women...the greatest mystery ever.you cannot understand them man..maybe she is not what are you looking for..She is doing all of them to please you but i think that after some months she will not be so nice anymore..The point is to attract you.if she is not it is better to let her go..
 
Man, I had typed out such a long response but accidentally deleted everything I wrote so I'll keep it short.



There's an old saying that you don't realize what you have until its gone and I think this applies in your case. Ultimately, you're the only one who knows when you're ready to make that commitment. You're still young so I can see why you want to have your fun.



There's also another saying that goes "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" Let's just say that eventually you have to buy the cow if you keep expecting to get its milk. Otherwise, that cow will just go to the next person who's willing to buy her for her milk.



Every relationship has its honeymoon period. No matter how perfect the girl, eventually there will come a time when you get a little bored of that person. I recently heard a comedian joke about being a newlywed. His wife told him that if he wants to get her pregnant, they are going to have to have sex every night for the next 30 nights. He tells her, "Honey, I'm 30! The only way you're going to get me to have sex for 30 nights straight is if you give me a different girl every night!". Funny, but true.



There will be a time when you're older and realize these were the good times. You'll have different priorities then such as kids, bills, or an older parent to take care of and wish you had the time and freedom to do these "boring" things you used to do.



That's life for you.
 
Spice it up. Act out of character and do things that you know even she would hate to do.



If she still sticks around with a smile, hang onto her for dear life!
 
Sorry to hear Brandon. I look at it like this. If you're not happy with it, then why keep going through the motions. I had a girl like this. She'd do anything for me. I kept going out with her and just kept feeling guilty. I kept feeling like I was leading her on. I took my sleeping pill one night at her place and well, I told her how I felt. Seems weird but we're still friends and hang out every once in a while. So just take a Ambien and let it out hehehe jk. That stuff is like the truth serum and horny goat weed in the same pill.
 
Ambien huh? May look into that one.



I almost know what I *need* to do, just dont know how to do it. I've never broken up with a girl before, and I want to do it the way that hurts her the least, even if it means hurting me more.



Damn, did anyone ever thing that a girl that was "too" nice would be a problem?
 
Have you tried finding out about what she likes to do from her friends or family? Maybe try doing stuff that she actually likes if you haven't. Be honest with her. And I think it is more important to find someone who will stand by you rather than someone who is just fun. It may not be this girl, but someone's love really shows through when they stick around even in times of trouble. BTW, I may not qualify to comment. This is just my perspective.
 
Some good advice given so far.



My advice is stop seeing her so much. See how you both deal with it and you might find out your true feelings and you might have more to talk about.
 
BlackElantra gave great advice. When you are in your early twenties, it's hard - no, it's impossible to realize that this is as good as it will get. IF, you do settle down and get married, those carefree days are over, add kids and your free time will be at work and when you go to the bathroom. I can understand your problem with the g/f, had the same one a long time ago. I had dated this girl for 2.5 years and we were just bored with doing the same old stuff. I didn't realize just how much she cared about me till I broke up with her, I consider that move one of my top bone head mistakes as I never found anyone that really loved and cared about me as much as she did. Would I do it again, hell no! Didn't I just say it was a bone head move. Pay attention - ok, that was me, my situation, yours may be way different. The key, like someone said is to think how it would be if you had no one right now, maybe you'd be happy, but maybe you'd feel like you did after you were on the recieving end of a break up. So, what do you do? take it slow, take a night off and hang out with your friends - ask yourself if you're happy or if you miss her? It may be that you're not ready for a serious relationship and that's not her, that would be anybody. Lastly, is there anyone else that you are interested in?
 
If you think you are going to find the Perfect Girl. You are in for a rude awakening. Just be who you are. Continue to communicate with this lady,and above all be Honest with her.

You have to create the excitement and she has to help. If she does whatever you say she is not expressing Herself. It takes both of your ideas, likes and dislikes. You will not agree on everything,never. That's what makes US who we are. :hifive:
 
Just think real hard about it and make sure it's what you really want. I dumped on just like that a couple years ago and do regret it.

It was just so damned easy with her that it didn't seem right. Everything just clicked to well and I just walked away when I really shouldn't have. I could go out with my buddies, get trashed, call her at 5am to come pick me up from the bar and she would, then she'd get up and cook me breakfast!!!
 
I know that loosing this could could be a mistake, but how are you supposed to handle it when there is zero spark left anymore and i'd rather just be hanging out with my buddies or at parties with dozens of girls instead of just one.
 
If there is truely zero interests left - then, walk away. You can't "make" a relationship work if you don't truely love the other person. My first marriage was one like that and in the end, if there ain't love in your heart, then you're just wasting your time and hers.



OK, now you got lots of free time, you can come over to my house and help me do some spring cleaning. I'll pay ya
 
then you're not ready to settle down yet, and after being in a 4 year relationship I don't blame you. Nothing's wrong with that. Just don't expect her to stick around until you figure out when you're ready. You have to evaluate that yourself and decide whether or not this relationship is worth persuing. 4 months is nothing in the whole scheme of life. If there's a better time to end it, now's the time to do it.



Don't stick around another 4 years only to get dumped and be given some BS answer about her wanting to persue some veterinary schooling. IMO, that girl was just trying to be nice to you instead of giving you the real reason because let's face it, the truth tends to hurt. You wouldn't want to be lied to, so you should give the same courtesy to this new girl. At least she can walk away knowing how she can make a relationship work better (for her) next time instead of being confused about what she did wrong.



Like someone had mentioned previously, it sounds like there's a communication gap between the 2 of you and the fact that you have to resort to playing head games with her just to see her reaction when instead you could easily just sit down and have a heart-to-heart discussion proves my point. Maybe you're just not at that maturity level yet to settle down because after all, you're not over 21 right?.
 
Man, if you can't talk to her about this, the state of your relationship, then you got issues with the relationship. Been married 15 years and was a bachelor till I was 35, cause I didn't want to settle down. If you can't talk about important stuff like this, then you don't have much of a relationship. Give it a shot, she might feel th same. Or if it isn't worth it, then walk.
 
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