derek,
I think it is better. I have to agree with Anthony, but add a few things.
1. I would change the graphic. Put a pic of a detail that you have performed. The cartoon graphic *IMO* is more unprofessional (lack of better term) and really doesnt serve much purpose in displaying your capabilities.
2. The "cars only" wash (what about trucks) that expires in 2 weeks, IMO, is a bad idea because now your are pressuring people to try your service. You want to come off as a business man that can provide a top notch service at a reasonable rate, not a salesman who will sell you the salad shooter, AND if you act now we'll throw in the FREE pasta pot (for a limited time only, rules and restrictions apply, there may be side effects, consult you doctor, with 3 year contract, no money down after 2,000 dollar registration fee, see your local fortune teller for details, etc...... :lmfao)
3. Also when figuring prices and such, do not forget to include: drive time, set up and clean up etc... Unless you are a fixed location that 1/2 hr car wash just turned into a 1 hr wash minimum. By the time you pull everything out you have already spent that $12.00 in labor. Do not sell yourself short. You are providing a convenience.
Hope this helps
Eric