The Fuzz
New member
Strange But True Stories
========================
Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel
after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills.
==
A man in Johannesberg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the
face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans
off each other's head.
==
A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its
workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job.
According to Industrial Machinery News, the film's depiction of gory
industrial accidents was so graphic that twenty-five workers suffered minor
injuries in their rush to leave the screening room. Thirteen others
fainted, and one man required seven stitches after he cut his head falling
off a chair while watching the film.
==
The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons,
setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits.
==
A bus carrying five passengers was hit by a car in St. Louis, but by the
time police arrived on the scene, fourteen pedestrians had boarded the bus
and had begun to complain of whiplash injuries and back pain.
==
Swedish business consultant Ulf af Trolle labored 13 years on a book about
Swedish economic solutions. He took the 250-page manuscript to be copied,
only to have it reduced to 50,000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker
confused the copier with the shredder.
==
A convict broke out of jail in Washington D.C., then a few days later
accompanied his girlfriend to her trial for robbery. At lunch, he went out
for a sandwich. She needed to see him, and thus had him paged. Police
officers recognized his name and arrested him as he returned to the
courthouse in a car he had stolen over the lunch hour.
==
Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal
colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine.
The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the
copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth.
Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
==
When two service station attendants in Ionia, Michigan, refused to hand over
the cash to an intoxicated robber, the man threatened to call the police.
They still refused, so the robber called the police and was arrested.
==
A Los Angeles man who later said he was "tired of walking," stole a
steamroller and led police on a 5 mph chase until an officer stepped aboard
and brought the vehicle to a stop.
==
Two Kentucky men tried to pull the front off a cash machine
by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their
pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the
machine, though, they pulled the bumper off the truck. They
panicked and fled, leaving the chain still attached to the
machine, their bumper still attached to the chain, and their
license plate still attached to the bumper.
==
IN THE BAG
A "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, stood in line at
the customs counter. While making idle chatter, the customs
official thought it odd that the golfer didn't know what a
handicap was. The officer then asked the tourist to
demonstrate his swing. He did - backwards. A substantial
amount of narcotics was found in the golf bag.
==
MADE FOR TV
Guns For Hire, an Arizona company specializing in staged
gunfights for Western movies, got a call from a 47-year-old
woman who wanted to have her husband shot. She was
sentenced to four years in jail.
==
DO YOU ACCEPT CREDIT CARDS?
A Texan convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600
in damages rather than serve a two-year prison sentence. For
payment, he provided the court a forged check. He got his
prison term back, plus eight more years.
==
YOU MEAN ME?
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously
waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!"
When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
==
DEADHEADS
A man in Orange County Municipal Court had been ticketed for
driving alone in the carpool lane. He claimed that the four
frozen cadavers in the mortuary van he was driving should be
counted. The judged ruled that passengers must be alive to
qualify.
==
THIS WOULD BE ME
The judge called the case of People vs. Steven Lewon Crook.
The bailiff opened the door to the holding cell and called,
"Crook, come forward." Five of the prisoners entered the
courtroom.
==
LEARN YOUR LESSON
When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a
traffic violation said she was a schoolteacher. The judge
rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a
schoolteacher to appear before this court," he smiled with
delight. "Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not
pass through a red light' five hundred times."
==
AHH, THAT'S BETTER!
A judge in Louisville decided a jury went "a little bit too
far" in recommending a sentence of 5,005 years for a man who
was convicted of five robberies and a kidnapping. The judge
reduced the sentence to 1,001 years.
==
OOPS! I BLEW THAT ONE!
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this
creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the
window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not
himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole
individual for an offense committed by his limb." "Well put,"
the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the
defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany
it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his
lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it
on the bench, and walked out.
========================
Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel
after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills.
==
A man in Johannesberg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the
face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans
off each other's head.
==
A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its
workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job.
According to Industrial Machinery News, the film's depiction of gory
industrial accidents was so graphic that twenty-five workers suffered minor
injuries in their rush to leave the screening room. Thirteen others
fainted, and one man required seven stitches after he cut his head falling
off a chair while watching the film.
==
The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons,
setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits.
==
A bus carrying five passengers was hit by a car in St. Louis, but by the
time police arrived on the scene, fourteen pedestrians had boarded the bus
and had begun to complain of whiplash injuries and back pain.
==
Swedish business consultant Ulf af Trolle labored 13 years on a book about
Swedish economic solutions. He took the 250-page manuscript to be copied,
only to have it reduced to 50,000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker
confused the copier with the shredder.
==
A convict broke out of jail in Washington D.C., then a few days later
accompanied his girlfriend to her trial for robbery. At lunch, he went out
for a sandwich. She needed to see him, and thus had him paged. Police
officers recognized his name and arrested him as he returned to the
courthouse in a car he had stolen over the lunch hour.
==
Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal
colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine.
The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the
copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth.
Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
==
When two service station attendants in Ionia, Michigan, refused to hand over
the cash to an intoxicated robber, the man threatened to call the police.
They still refused, so the robber called the police and was arrested.
==
A Los Angeles man who later said he was "tired of walking," stole a
steamroller and led police on a 5 mph chase until an officer stepped aboard
and brought the vehicle to a stop.
==
Two Kentucky men tried to pull the front off a cash machine
by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their
pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the
machine, though, they pulled the bumper off the truck. They
panicked and fled, leaving the chain still attached to the
machine, their bumper still attached to the chain, and their
license plate still attached to the bumper.
==
IN THE BAG
A "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, stood in line at
the customs counter. While making idle chatter, the customs
official thought it odd that the golfer didn't know what a
handicap was. The officer then asked the tourist to
demonstrate his swing. He did - backwards. A substantial
amount of narcotics was found in the golf bag.
==
MADE FOR TV
Guns For Hire, an Arizona company specializing in staged
gunfights for Western movies, got a call from a 47-year-old
woman who wanted to have her husband shot. She was
sentenced to four years in jail.
==
DO YOU ACCEPT CREDIT CARDS?
A Texan convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600
in damages rather than serve a two-year prison sentence. For
payment, he provided the court a forged check. He got his
prison term back, plus eight more years.
==
YOU MEAN ME?
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously
waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!"
When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
==
DEADHEADS
A man in Orange County Municipal Court had been ticketed for
driving alone in the carpool lane. He claimed that the four
frozen cadavers in the mortuary van he was driving should be
counted. The judged ruled that passengers must be alive to
qualify.
==
THIS WOULD BE ME
The judge called the case of People vs. Steven Lewon Crook.
The bailiff opened the door to the holding cell and called,
"Crook, come forward." Five of the prisoners entered the
courtroom.
==
LEARN YOUR LESSON
When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a
traffic violation said she was a schoolteacher. The judge
rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a
schoolteacher to appear before this court," he smiled with
delight. "Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not
pass through a red light' five hundred times."
==
AHH, THAT'S BETTER!
A judge in Louisville decided a jury went "a little bit too
far" in recommending a sentence of 5,005 years for a man who
was convicted of five robberies and a kidnapping. The judge
reduced the sentence to 1,001 years.
==
OOPS! I BLEW THAT ONE!
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this
creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the
window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not
himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole
individual for an offense committed by his limb." "Well put,"
the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the
defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany
it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his
lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it
on the bench, and walked out.
